Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
