also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize