So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
why do cheetos always look like penises
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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