did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
