His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
