the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
