i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Come share oat with me in your robe
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
