You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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