Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
