absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
