No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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