A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
