i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
