We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
