yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
