You can't motorboat a personality
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
