Life is so much better after having sex.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
