Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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