some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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