i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
