She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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