Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
