My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
