Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
