dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
