you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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