Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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