I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
