Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Best friends brother. Beat that.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
