soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
