I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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