are you still at the devil's house?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
