I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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