wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
