If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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