May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
