Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
