The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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