I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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