I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
