Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
