I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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