The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
