Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
