When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize