Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
