shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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