Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
