cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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