he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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