so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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