Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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