That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my shit smells like andre
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
