We're facebook friends in real life
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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