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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
