do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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