my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
