The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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