He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
