Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
