Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
