I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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