If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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