i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
