i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
