At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
