Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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