Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
