I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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