how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
