well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
as a side note pls kill me
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
