I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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