how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
