we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
