Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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