Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I cut my penus on the lid.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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