I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
