Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
