maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
areolas are like halos for boobs.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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