i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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